Help! My Child is Struggling with Anxiety, Depression, or Self-Harm

Below are my notes from a recent symposium where I was a speaker. Since it contains so many important statistics on this vital topic I thought it would be helpful to post it here.

Remember the good ol’ days when these were the “only” things that stressed us out? Life has certainly gotten SO much more complicated these past couple years. When it comes to our children, stress is off the charts!

The Magnitude of the Problem

  • According to an article published in JAMA Pediatrics (Lebrun-Harris et al., 2022), even before the pandemic, anxiety and depression were becoming more and more common among children and adolescents, increasing 27% and 24% respectively from 2016 to 2019. By 2020, 5.6 million kids (9.2%) had been diagnosed with anxiety problems and 2.4 million (4.0%) had been diagnosed with depression.
  • Parents and caregivers also experienced greater mental health needs during that time period. In 2020, just two-thirds of caregivers reported being in “excellent or very good” mental health, and just 6 in 10 reported coping “very well” with the demands of childrearing, both down significantly compared to 2016. On the other hand, one in 12 kids lived with someone with a mental illness in 2020, a 5.5% increase compared to 2016.

Once the pandemic hit with the incredible fear of just not knowing what was happening in those early days, the ensuing lockdowns, job losses, masking, isolation, loss of family, friends, and the massive divides that followed on far too many fronts in our lives, we wound up right here where we are today. We are a world in fragments, weary and wounded and torn by government overreach, restrictive mandates, by too many fears and too little trust – and for good reason! Sadly, our homes and families, but worse, our children, have been casualties of this unholy war.

It is now left to us to courageously face the world we now live in and rally together to protect our minds and hearts – and certainly those of our children – from the storms swirling about us. While there seems to be a bit of a lull at the moment, and I am so thankful for whatever that looks like, we cannot let our guard down yet – for there is still much work to do. We all, but most sadly our children, have been and are still being ravaged by counterculture propaganda on a daily basis, and it is tearing at our hearts and minds from the inside out.

Let’s talk kid stats

Here are some important statistics you need to be aware of:

  • Among adolescents aged 12–17 years, weekly emergency department visits increased among females for two of nine (stress, anxiety, self-injury, tic, depression, substance, trauma related, eating disorder, OCD) mental health conditions (MHCs) in 2020 (eating and tic disorders); four of nine MHCs during 2021 (depression, eating and tic disorders, and OCD); and five of nine MHCs during January 2022 (anxiety, trauma and stressor-related disorders, eating and tic disorders, and OCD) and overall MHC visits during January 2022, compared with 2019.  https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/71/wr/mm7108e2.htm#F2_down

  • There was also a more than 50% increase in suspected suicide attempt emergency department visits among girls ages 12-17 in early 2021 as compared to the same period in 2019.
  • According to Fair Health, Inc. (2022), an organization that tracks healthcare costs, health coverage, and insurance claims, the following occurred early in the pandemic: Comparing August 2019 to August 2020 in the Northeast, for the age group 13-18, there was a 333.93% increase in intentional self-harm claim lines as a percentage of all medical claim lines, a rate higher than that in any other region in any month studied for that age group.
  • Claim lines for intentional self-harm as a percentage of all medical claim lines in the 13-18 age group increased 90.71% in March 2020 compared to March 2019. The increase was even larger when comparing April 2020 to April 2019, nearly doubling (99.83%).
  • For the age group 13-18, claim lines for overdoses increased 94.91% as a percentage of all medical claim lines in March 2020 and 119.31 percent in April 2020 over the same months the year before. Claim lines for substance use disorders also increased as a percentage of all medical claim lines in March (64.64%) and April (62.69%) 2020 as compared to their corresponding months in 2019.
  • For the age group 6-12, from spring to November 2020, claim lines for obsessive-compulsive disorder and tic disorders increased as a percentage of all medical claim lines from their levels in the corresponding months of 2019.
  • For the age group 13-18, in April 2020, claim lines for generalized anxiety disorder increased 93.6% as a percentage of all medical claim lines over April 2019, while major depressive disorder claim lines increased 83.9% and adjustment disorder claim lines 89.7%.

In my own office…

In my own office I have seen a massive increase of marital distress, family distress, job-related distress, and certainly distress in teens and children like never before.

I’ve also had a huge number of people come in with vaccine injuries – not for medical care, obviously, but to deal with the psychological fallout of those injuries – most sadly from a medical community they no longer trust and that refuses to acknowledge their part in these injuries, not to mention their continuing refusal in acknowledging they exist. Some of the most egregious cases of injustice I have seen are in the lives of first responders who are running to vax injury calls while having their jobs threatened for not wanting this experimental injection themselves.

And don’t even get me started on masks! As a neuropsychologist who practiced neurofeedback and saw firsthand how breathing in our own C02 affects brainwaves and who has spoken to countless people on this issue and heard their stories (and yet we still have our children in these things all day!) I have far too much to say on this but too little time.  I will say, though, it is absolutely no surprise at all (at least to me) that anxiety and behavior issues in our children are off the charts. Teachers are struggling to teach, and schools are at a loss to fix the problem.

I am also having parents report that they feel powerless and held captive by their child’s (apparently addictive) internet use – even though they know they are being harmed by it. Again, lots to say on this topic but I will have to save that for another time.

And now we are seeing this massive wave of gender dysphoria – and parents are trying to figure out how help. Gender dysphoria is huge among teens (and even younger!) right now. I am absolutely blaming this (at least in part) on their social media exposure – and the rest on the current agenda to take down the family through division and confusion.

I also need to say here that this is no surprise at all that given the current environment, along with a variety of other contributing factors, of course SELF-HARM IS ON THE RISE and EATING DISORDERS ARE RAMPANT.

Parents, these are life threatening issues! It is vital we know the signs of the distress around us and not turn a blind eye to it because of our own stress or discomfort. We must know the signs – particularly of self-harm in our preteens and teens – for the stakes become higher at this stage of life.

Do you know how to recognize the signs of anxiety and depression in your child?

Infants, toddlers and young children… may show backward progress in skills and developmental milestones. They may also have increased problems with:

  • Fussiness and irritability, startling and crying more easily, and be more difficult to console
  • Trouble falling asleep and waking up more during the night
  • Feeding issues such as nausea and vomiting, constipation or loose stools, or new complaints of stomach pain
  • Being anxious when they have to separate from their family, clinginess, not wanting to socialize, and fear of going outside
  • Hitting, frustration, biting, and more frequent or intense tantrums
  • Bedwetting after they’re potty trained
  • Aggressive behavior

Older children and adolescents… may show signs of distress with symptoms such as:

  • Changes in mood that are not usual for your child, such as ongoing irritability, feelings of hopelessness or rage, and frequent conflicts with friends and family
  • Changes in behavior, such as stepping back from personal relationships. For example, if your outgoing teen stops spending time or texting or video chatting with friends, this may be cause for concern
  • A loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed. Did your music-loving child suddenly stop wanting to practice guitar, for example? Did your aspiring chef lose all interest in cooking and baking?
  • A hard time falling or staying asleep or starting to sleep all the time
  • Changes in appetite, weight or eating patterns, such as never being hungry or eating all the time
  • Problems with memory, thinking, or concentration
  • Less interest in schoolwork and drop in academic effort
  • Changes in appearance, such as lack of basic personal hygiene
  • An increase in risky or reckless behaviors, such as using drugs or alcohol
  • Thoughts/obsession about death or suicide, or talking about it (everyone would be better off without me)
  • Eating disorders and other self-harm behaviors
  • Spending too much time alone or on the internet (especially if being secretive about it)

Taking Hold of Hope and Help

  • This will require brazen boldness and courage on our part. That begins with putting aside our own fears and even biases on these issues:
    • It means we don’t personalize – we don’t see our child’s (or any other family member’s) struggle with depression or anxiety about something happening to or a reflection on us personally.
    • It means we validate what someone else is feeling even if we can’t understand it.
    • It means we reach out for whatever support and resources necessary to help our loved one through it.
    • It also means we find new paths when old ones have led to unhealthy places.

Warning! This will be HARD! Why? All change is inherently stressful and will be subject to resistance! Ex: Putting limits on cell phone or social media use* You certainly will face a fight, but what IF it could save your child’s life? I will actually ask parents if they would allow a stranger into their living rooms at 10:00 pm… Of course not! So why are we allowing them into our homes even later than that while our children are web surfing?

Remember, too, that just because right is right doesn’t make it easy. We live in a broken and imperfect world. The key is to be responsive rather than reactive to what is happening around us. TURN TOWARD help and healing and let nothing deter you onto an alternate path.

A Needed Solution: Countering the Current Counterculture

There aren’t enough hours in the day to list what is happening around us when it comes to this topic. The sad part is that our very impressionable children are being tossed to and fro as they are being exposed to it all. It has never been more dangerous to be a child, and it has never been more essential to provide them safety, security, stability, and consistency. We absolutely must give them a solid foundation to stand on when everything around them is slipping away and movable.

  • Find healthy support for your struggling child. Please do not wait! Determine to find the help you need to guide your family onto the healing path.
  • Parents, grandparents, family members, and friends: this begins with you! Surround yourself with a healthy support system. There is certainly a trickledown effect to our own stress and distress when it comes to how our children will manage their own.
  • Finally, remember that we can never solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Fear, isolation, and blind adherence to any agenda apart from the one God has for you and your family will only result in even greater fear, isolation, anxiety, and distress.
  • Refuse to be silenced when it comes to the health, safety, and wellbeing of your child.  You are their only champion in this world.

I recently read an article by a psychiatrist telling of a father in his office who apologized to his wife for harming their son. “I was wrong. I hurt both of you. And I’m sorry.” No, he hadn’t beat him or starved or abandoned him. He hadn’t had any drunken meltdowns in front of him. He had, however, by his own admission, harmed him by giving way to his own irrational fear and anxiety. He apparently thought that by keeping him masked and isolated he was keeping him safe. “I thought I was protecting him, but all I was protecting was my own anxiety.”

So how can we help? How can we be part of the solution?

  • Take nothing for granted. Remember: Blind trust is owed to no one! Trust is earned.
  • I end here by re-emphasizing what I said at the beginning: We have all been casualties on some level by what has befallen our world these past couple of years. It is up to us to stand together to safeguard our own hearts as well as the hearts and minds of our children.
  • Our children deserve our love and protection. If we don’t stand for them, who will?
  • My prayer for each of us is that we will refuse to compromise when it comes to our loved ones. I pray we will be courageous and committed and persistent when it comes to getting the help and support our families need. And I pray that as God brought you here today, you have found some hope in knowing you are not alone on your journey. And most of all, may you, like the psalmist, find your refuge under the shadow of the Almighty Who alone is the Source of all peace.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the

Almighty Whose power no foe can withstand! I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, He is

my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I confidently trust! (Ps.91:1,2)

References

American Psychological Association. (2022). Psychological fallout of COVID may be with us for years, APA CEO says. https://www.apa.org/news/apa/2022/covid-psychological-fallout

Author. (2022). How can you “follow the science” when there is no science behind mask mandates for children? https://governor.mt.gov/_docs/Research-Report-on-Mask-Mandates-in-Schools.pdf

CDC. (2022). Changes in pediatric emergency department visits associated with mental health conditions before and during the COVID-a9 pandemic – United States, January 2019-January 2022. https://stacks.cdc.gov/view/cdc/114477

Fair Health, Inc. (2022) https://www.fairhealth.org/press-release/over-300-percent-increase-in-intentional-self-harm-claim-lines-for-ages-13-18-as-percentage-of-all-medical-claim-lines-in-northeast-from-august-2019-to-august-2020-1

Legrun-Harris, L.A., Ghandour, R.M., & Kogan, M.D. (2022). Fire year trends in US children’s health and well-being, 2016-2020. JAMA Pediatrics. Doi: 10.1001/jamapediatrics.2022.0056

McDonald, M. (2022). Taking accountability: Moving ahead means facing the past. https://americasfrontlinedoctors.org/news/post/mcdonald-taking-accountability/

World Health Organization. (2022). Mental health and VOVID-19: Early evidence of the pandemic’s impact. file:///C:/Users/pamel/Downloads/WHO-2019-nCoV-Sci-Brief-Mental-health-2022.1-eng.pdf